Netflix and Chill

Earlier this year I met this guy (we'll call him "netflix and chill" for reasons you're about to read) that I was pretty excited about.  We met at a party and immediately hit it off. His best friend is a good friend of mine and he's also pretty good friends with my best friend's husband.  Honestly, I'm surprised it took as long as it did for us to meet.  At this party we hung out together the entire night. He even stayed behind when his best friend went home so we could keep hanging out. When the party ended I ended up taking him home.  I know what you're thinking.  NO, nothing happened.  It was totally innocent.  And when I say nothing happened, I mean nothing.  He didn't even ask for my phone number.  He hit me with a, "well we seem to have a lot of mutual friends so I'm sure we'll see each other again."  And that was it.  Now this seems to be the shit that happens to me all the time, so driving home I didn't give it much more thought than a shrug and an "oh well."

Now let's fast forward about 6 weeks.  Yes, SIX weeks.  I'm out with friends one night and get a text from a number I don't recognize.  It was Netflix and Chill!  I was kinda giddy and excited to hear from him.  He got my number from my best friend's husband and we talked through text for a few hours that night.

In the beginning he played it exactly by the book.  I'd hear from him every other day or so through text, then he would call and we'd talk on the phone for hours, then we finally decided to get together as a group with our friends.  We had a fun night out and he walked me to my car, hugged me goodnight and we left.  He called me that night to make sure I made it home safely and we ended up talking another three hours or so on the phone.  Things were going so well!

Now, I was really adamant about NOT inviting him to my house to hang out, even if we were having a get-together, until we had been out on a date first.  I didn't want him to get too comfortable hanging out at the house and it all of a sudden turn into a friend thing.  (Story of my life.)  BUT, my girlfriends talked me into having him over for one of our Friday night get-togethers, so I did.  It wasn't so bad.  Everyone hung out pretty late and he was the last one to leave.  He kissed me that night and mentioned going to dinner one night that next week.  Perfect!

Well let me just say, I believe I am STILL waiting on that dinner outing to happen.  His idea of date night is........Netflix and chill.  Or HBO and chill.  Or On Demand and chill.  And not the Netflix and chill you see all over the internet and in Urban Dictionary.  I mean like literally takeout for dinner and movies on the couch.  Every.Saturday.Night.  For the five months we saw each other (I know, I can't believe I let it go on that long.) that is what we did.  Oh, and he LOVED documentaries.  So our nights would consist of eating dinner while we started a documentary, me falling asleep on the couch shortly after, then waking up to see credits rolling and him asleep on the other side of the couch. We'd wake up long enough to move to the bedroom and start another movie/show on netflix (no I'm not kidding) and then fall right back asleep.  Seriously y'all, he even got me an Amazon Fire TV Stick for my birthday so we could have netflix in my room.  I can't make this stuff up.

Please don't get me wrong, some of the best times I've had with guys has been chilling at the house and just enjoying each other's company.  But in that 5 months I promise we didn't go out more than 5 times.  I mean, can we NOT order pizza or Chef Shuttle tonight?  Can you at least take me to a drive through and buy me a frosty?  Let's live a little, am I right??

Needless to say I let this one go.  I do still hear from him from time to time.  Often, actually.  In fact, he wants to hang out this weekend but I don't know.  I'm feeling adventurous and that doesn't include my couch and TV.

Seriously, ladies.  I'm about to go against all the advice your mama ever gave you.  If you're still in your 20s, just settle.  Find a man and settle.  Because it doesn't get any easier in your 30s.  Haha ok, ok.  I'm just kidding.  Don't you dare settle for anything less than you deserve.  Clearly I haven't because at this very moment I'm Hunting Channel and chilling....all by myself.  ;)

Talk soon,

Jess

That One Time I Online Dated

Online Dating.  I know so many people that have tried it and lots that have actually been successful at it.  Frankly, the whole idea of it kinda gives me anxiety.  BUT, the man pool in Memphis seems to be slim pickins these days, so my only two single friends and I decided that we were going to try it out. 

I sat and painfully answered all those dumb questions that help you find your "matches," wrote a little about myself, uploaded some pictures, and boom.  Done.  I immediately started getting messages on there from all kinds of boys and I thought, "YES!  Boys love me!"  I chatted back and forth with a few guys that were harder to talk to than my living room wall, saw more pictures of penises than I've seen in my entire life, and kinda started talking to one guy that seemed like he might be ok...all in the first 2 hours. I kept chatting back and forth with this one guy through the site until he finally thought we should exchange phone numbers and text instead of message through the site.  So that's what we did.  After getting about 641644614516 more pictures of penises, I decided my time on an online dating site was over.  I lasted a whole 48 hours but thought, maybe something will still come of this normal-seeming guy, and if so I can still kind of believe in online dating.

The guy (we'll call him Mike) and I kept talking through text for a few days before he asked if he could call me.  Whoa!  Slow down there, Mikey!  He called, we talked, it was good.  He eventually asked me out for a drink so I agreed to meet him.  After all, it seemed to be going well so far.  I had already learned enough about him to at least think he was interesting.  So I met him at my local watering hole, where I was sure to know plenty of people.  He looked nothing like his pictures, but was still not a bad looking guy.  We sat at the bar and got through all the awkward "nice to see you in person" crap and I thought, ok.  This isn't so bad.  And then it happened.  Within 20 minutes of sitting there at the bar chatting, and with tons of people around, he started attacking my face with his tongue.  Just out of nowhere.  I SAID SLOW DOWN THERE, MIKEY!  Like I literally had to physically push him away from me.  Luckily, we both had other SEPARATE plans that evening.  I set it up that way on purpose in case he sucked and thank God I did because he did.  My other plans happened to be on the patio of the bar I was already at, so I just stepped outside and joined my friends, who were already laughing hysterically at me but told me I should give it one more shot.  That's when the bartender walked out and very sternly said, "No, she will not be giving that guy another shot."  Within about 30 minutes I got a text from Mike that said, "I already miss you."  Um, I'm sorry, what? 

Mike and I texted back and forth a couple of more days but I just let that one fade as quickly as possible.  Until the awesome, wonderful, perfect night I ran into him while I was out listening to a friend's band play.  He started texting me from the same room and I freaked out a little bit.  Thankfully I was with one of my best guy friends and was able to play that in my favor.  After ignoring all 57 of his texts from the same room, I never heard from good ol' Mikey again.  And I never tried online dating again.

Side note:  My only two single friends that I mentioned in the beginning are now both in relationships.  And NOT from online dating.  So here I still sit:  Jessica, party of 1. 

Til next time,
Jess