Friday, April 28, 2017

The Wild Unknown

Disclaimer:  This tiny little post took me almost a week to write.

I'm drawing a blank. I spent some time in the woods this morning just kinda doing some soul searching and peace seeking and had so many thoughts that I wanted to put down on paper and now I sit at my computer and can't think of where to even start. As I posted at the very beginning of this year, I had a trying 2016. It was a tough, tough year and I suffered feelings I've never felt before. I swore this year was going to be better, and it has. OH it has been better. Then March came along. I lost my dog, who was my very best friend, companion and adventure partner for 14 years. I lost my home....and this wasn't all bad! Let me just clear that up real quick:  <I had decided that when it came time for my lease to be up I wasn't going to renew it. I went ahead and let my landlord know so they could have plenty of time to make a decision on where they wanted to go from there. They decided they were going to sell the house and we both agreed mutually to end the lease early. So it's not like I was kicked out or anything like that...please don't think that! My landlord was nothing but the very best.> But with the loss of Gracie and the loss of my cute little home on Dee Road I feel like I've lost a lot of my identity. My sweet, sweet brother has graciously opened his home to me while I take my time deciding where I want to be and finding a home that I love that I can buy this time. So that's where I find myself, at the brand new age of 38 years old. The age where I should have everything figured out. The age where I should have a home of my own and a family of my own. I'm homeless, husbandless, childless and petless. I'm breaking all the rules here. Sometimes (a lot of times lately) I feel lost or like I'm changing into a whole different person. Thanks to my situation, my faith has grown stronger than ever, yet I haven't been to church in months. These days I find God more on the outside than inside a building, and that's OK. I thank Him that my faith has grown, because I literally have no idea where I'm going.  No idea what's going to happen. No idea where I'll end up or in what kind of situation.  No idea who'll be there when I get there. SCARY, right?! But exciting? YES! I've had to really work to get my mind right about everything. It's tough being such an independent adult and all of a sudden having to depend on others so much, even if just for a short time. But I have a bit of an adventurer's heart, so trekking into this "wild unknown," although scary, kinda excites me. There are sure to be bumps along the way, and I pray that the bumps I've already experienced have made me a stronger person and have prepared me for what's to come. The journey may be tough, but I know with God walking right beside me the destination is going to be amazing and I CAN'T WAIT to get there! Join me, will you?  Follow me along on what's sure to be a crazy, tragic, almost magic, awful, beautiful journey. (Thanks for the words, Darryl Worley.) Here goes nothin!


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